Based upon observations of popular culture in the past 10 years, here are my predictions for the future.
- ITV will be replaced with “RTV” (Reality TV) a 24 hour channel showcasing the various delights of talent shows and talking dogs
- BBC Parliament will be dissolved and “The Only Way Is Westminster” will replace it. The public will vote out a politician each week and send a washed up TV personality in. Former Girls Aloud singer Kimberley Walsh will be Prime Minister through this new system. More people will vote than ever before
- A TV show about Shetlanders settling into Chelmsford and vice versa will win a BAFTA
- The UK will leave the EU and start its own Empire to aspire to “good old days”. It will fail and (the now independent) Scotland will use the last of the oil money to bail out the UK. With both countries failing financially, a new nation is born: “The United Kingdom of the UK and Scotland”
- Nick Griffin will be the first victim of “The Death Penalty Act of 2022”. A bill he ironically introduced during his stint on TOWIW
- Islington will sink due to the sheer weight of Waitroses invading every square inch
- As a result of rising property prices Leicester will become the “hip new suburb” of London
- All communications will take place through an app inside your retina. “InstaSnap” will cause a moral panic when it is discovered paedophiles can see inside the retinas of under 18s. Prime Minister Walsh will ban retinas
- Nigel Farage and The X Factor will collaborate on a record. It will win Christmas Number One
- Lembit Öpik will still be trying to get selected for a parliamentary seat
Note: TV Producers – If you knick my Shetland/Chelmsford swap idea I expect royalties.